Interrogation Enthusiast Gifts

'Personally, I think a question like that says a lot more about YOU than it does about me.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

Good Carp, Bad Carp

"Good job, inspector! Today you made the suspect dance and tomorrow you'll make him sing!"

"Don't pull that ditzy-chick, routine with me! A witness saw you cross the road, what I want to know is. . . why?"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"I feel like I don’t even know my own husband ... and it’s driving me wild!"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Have you got a resume?'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'