Interviews Pillows

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'Yes, I suppose certain narrow-minded people would call it a ‘pack of lies' - I prefer to think of it as creative up-selling.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Yes, I received your resume that you emailed. I ran a fact check and I was wondering if you know that a half truth is a whole lie.'

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

'And today we're interviewing a long time and well known philanthropist...'

"I see you brought a stick. I'm impressed. You've done your homework."

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

I like a manager who asks questions.

'About this reference of yours, he worked for me for sixteen years, and when he left I was very satisfied.'

"We want someone who can multitask. During our interview I'd like you to fill out those forms and have a physical."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We're looking for people to fire."

'Cat job interviews.'

"Well, this is a reassuring note, Mr. Bonwell: 'No dolphins were killed in the preparation of this résumé.' "

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Here's my r?sum?, or, as I like to call it, 'a series of unfortunate events.''

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

'You're hired. Go figure.'

A vampire's pet peeves.

"The job will demand a touch of crazy, but no experience is necessary...we'll train you!"

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'I'm afraid we don't have anything for you right now, but if we get really depserate for people we'll be in touch.'

Options Menu: Stall/Answer different question/Filibuster/Feign heart attack.

'I went to Harvard until they found out I was there.'

'... And you say that this hypnotist promised to relax you for this interview? '

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'