Internet Wizard Gifts

'You've got Chain Mail!'

"My data is bigger than your data."

"Try 'Open underscore sesame.' "

'At least let me clear out my browser history before I go.'

"This shouldn't take long now that I'm on broadband."

'I figured out how to download a bike off the Internet. But, I think I had the resolution set too low.'

"I'm guessing with all that mold coming out of your computer, it's been awhile since you've added fresh content to your site."

Strong Passwords

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

WiFi Signals

The Proust of Twitter

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

Man doing a search on a computer

"I accidentally hit 3 keys and then hit enter. CTRL + Z didn't get rid of it. Can we keep it as a pet?"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Why do you need so many computers?

FRY's FAMILY - Young Tom was always fiddling around with bits of machinery.

'I think what we need now is someone called a computer programmer.'