It Wizard Gifts

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"Yes, we know the system is down. Our technical people are working on it right now."

'Derek - I'm uninstalling you.'

"When I get older I want to be just like you mom, only more tech savvy."

Software - Buyer Sophistication Increasing

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

If Disney was a software company

Man doing a search on a computer

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"I accidentally hit 3 keys and then hit enter. CTRL + Z didn't get rid of it. Can we keep it as a pet?"

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

Desk trays - 'In', 'Out', and 'It depends'.

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'