Network Wizard Gifts

"I'm inviting you to join my referral network, on Lynxedin."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

'You'll soon get the hang of it - then they'll change it.'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

WiFi Signals

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"I accidentally hit 3 keys and then hit enter. CTRL + Z didn't get rid of it. Can we keep it as a pet?"

'Yep,that's it Mr.White. And NOW go, Control-Alt-Delete, then re-enter.'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

Man doing a search on a computer

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Why do you need so many computers?

"Baldo, why don't you turn that computer off and do something else?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies