Wireless Wizard Gifts

'Have you considered going wireless?'

"Unless you have a 13 year-old running around, I strongly recommend you buy the 1 year technical support."

'Sweet. Free wi-fi.'

Man using wi-fi to surf the internet whilst on the lavatory

WiFi Signals

"I used to let down my hair. But since I've gone wireless, I just use all my old wires."

Plants Cheer as They Get Watered.

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

All the apps hidden within a phone

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

'I told you this game had realistic graphics.'

I got the raise

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

"Nothing beats work events to mingle, build relationships, and backstab fellow colleagues."

The Town Tweeter

Spells. I love Wiccanpedia!

"Eat those veggies or I'll change the wifi password."

"Oh god, here she comes again, insisting she's helping."

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

'This is taking forever. We should've just microwaved it.'

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."