Internet Avoider Gifts

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

I.T. Fear

'I beat the 5 o'clock rush... I leave work at noon!'

Email Notifications

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Dream Advertisements.

'Oh, Goody, football - we'll be able to talk without feeling we're missing something.'

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Don't tell the boss, but I'm leaving early to beat the traffic."

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

Good parenting.

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

'I hate networking.'

Not in the mood for human interaction line

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

'I went to the city once, but I couldn't get used to the crowds'.

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"I've finally reached the age when the advertising people leave me alone!"

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"Just more Junk Mail."

I came up here because I got tired of being targeted by advertisers.

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'