Digital Avoider Gifts

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

"Join the 21st century, Dad...it's a laptop computer."

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Don't worry. As soon as Junior learns enough words, he'll tell you how to work it."

I.T. Fear

Screen Time vs Book Time

Email Notifications

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'It's not flying I'm afraid of -- it's driving to the airport!'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Dream Advertisements.

'Oh, Goody, football - we'll be able to talk without feeling we're missing something.'

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

'Dad, can I speak to you, offline, about father son bonding?'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."

"My life is one unending pop-up ad."

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

Protection from technology