Tech Avoider Gifts

Protection from technology

A frowning man looks at a smiling screen

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

The Power of Social Media: 'I found another good reason to stay a technophobe.'

I.T. Fear

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"Oh good, there's nothing on."

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

2016 Policlicks

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'Oh, Goody, football - we'll be able to talk without feeling we're missing something.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

"Anywhere that doesn't have tvs, computers, radios, ipods,cell phones or video games."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

'I hate networking.'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

'The news on tv is SO depressing, I've decided to stop watching it.' 'Is that permitted?!'

"Grandpa, you remind me a lot of myself in my pre-tech years."

"My insomnia is getting worse, doctor - I can't even sleep now when there is a party political programme on television."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

"At last — no Trump."