Old-school Tech Avoider Gifts

"Grandpa, you remind me a lot of myself in my pre-tech years."

I.T. Fear

"Go ahead and laugh, but this baby hasn't crashed since 1961."

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Let's see what's going on in the world."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'Oh, relax. Stopping to ask how to use the GPS does not violate the male decree against asking directions.'

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'I'm going to prescribe for you to stay away from the news on TV and all social media!'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

2016 Policlicks

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

'With all this fuss should we buy a typewriter in case we get raided?'

Analog Alzheimer - Digital Dementia

"I envy you, not having any idea of what's going on these days."

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

'The news on tv is SO depressing, I've decided to stop watching it.' 'Is that permitted?!'

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

"At last — no Trump."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"My insomnia is getting worse, doctor - I can't even sleep now when there is a party political programme on television."

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

Man in cell phone shop - 'Do you have a phone that just phones?'

Enjoy our cell phone free ambience.

'Letters, letters, letters - why can't you learn to text?'

'Your father can't come to the phone right now, he's stuck in his ways.'

'The evening news will not be seen tonight, because most of it is stuff you're better off not knowing anyway.'

'I want you to stop watching the 'Cable News Network,' and switch to the 'Ignorance is Bliss' channel.'

Home alone: the final chapter