Tech Talk Avoiders Gifts

"Look, I'm really having trouble with my computer. I need it to work and I need it now...and your fancy schmancy jargon isn't helping much."

I.T. Fear

"We don't talk anymore."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

Fancy Interfacing with you here.

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Pensioners and Phones

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

"No, the computers are up. We're down."

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

"Anywhere that doesn't have tvs, computers, radios, ipods,cell phones or video games."

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

"Grandpa, you remind me a lot of myself in my pre-tech years."

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"This app alerts me when I'm being selfish, unsocial or temperamental. I need to change my personality, because it alerts me every minute of the day."

"He abandoned his computer, his pager, his cell phone, his hand-held pilot, his on-board navigation system and for one hour, we were blissfully disconnected."

"Remember your password for five bucks, mister?"

'Letters, letters, letters - why can't you learn to text?'

"I wish they'd turn off the news when they leave."

"Your cell phone isn't bugged by 'Pegasus'? You're not important enough. . . you loser!"

'Your father can't come to the phone right now, he's stuck in his ways.'

"So what happens now? How do we start the Zoom video call?"

'Is your mouth glad when you're asleep?'

"You need to disconnect for awhile and unwind."

"We're lucky! We don't have to learn how to spell, do math, or use maps. And with driverless cars, we won't need to learn how to drive!"

Protection from technology

'Sorry - I've deleted you,'

"It's not unusual to feel stressed, anxious, unsure of the future...the political world is in disarray, we've gone through a turbulent time. You have to protect yourself! And I'd start by avoiding any news and especially anything to do with the prospect o

"Ugh, not this again. I've been avoiding it like the plague."

Peasant's emancipation.

'What do you think about that tweet, Grandpa?'

Text message: You have lettuce in your teeth.