Tech-phobic Gifts

Pensioners and Phones

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Tarzan no want computer."

Luddite Zoom.

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

"Technology moving too fast."

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

'Letters, letters, letters - why can't you learn to text?'