Tech-phobic Gifts

Pensioners and Phones

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

'The professor can read hieroglyphics on ruins and in tombs but he can't read text messages on his cell phone.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"Technology moving too fast."

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."