Technophobes Gifts

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

'We never had all these labour-saving devices in my young day!'

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Pensioners and Phones

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"Some people are reluctant to accept change."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"Technology moving too fast."

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

The Execution of the Robot