Technophobe Trio Gifts

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Pensioners and Phones

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

"Some people are reluctant to accept change."

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."

"Technology moving too fast."

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."