Technophobe's Dilemma Gifts

'We bought this one to help figure out the operating manual for that one over there.'

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Tarzan no want computer."

'You know, it's kind of nice turning off the sound, turning on closed caption, and listening to piano music.'

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

Pensioners and Phones

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

'Dad's not getting the hang of the new technology, is he?'

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

"Technology moving too fast."

"Stop! You're painting over all my passwords."

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"I asked our tech support to escalate me to the next level...they transferred me to a suicide hotline!"