Technophobe Turned Techie Gifts

"Grampa didn't like the internet until he found sites that confirm his biases."

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"He said his screen is frozen again."

"Tarzan no want computer."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

Pensioners and Phones

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

'We've papered over the new flat screen TV to make it less obtrusive'

"Technology moving too fast."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

'He'll never switch to digital because he doesn't believe in pixels.'