Faithful Technophobe Gifts

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Hey! Get back here!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

Pensioners and Phones

EEEEEEEEEEEE-Mail

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Digital? We're not even cable ready!"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

"Some people are reluctant to accept change."

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

"Technology moving too fast."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"Your 'Luddite Fund' is up 20% this year, but its Yelp reviews are very negative."

'He'll never switch to digital because he doesn't believe in pixels.'

"You'll have to call me on my landline. I'm a low-tech person through and through."