Technophobe's Ally Gifts

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Tarzan no want computer."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

Pensioners and Phones

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"Technology moving too fast."

'We've papered over the new flat screen TV to make it less obtrusive'

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

'He'll never switch to digital because he doesn't believe in pixels.'

'We need to call a meeting... I've learned to use the iPhone.'