Technophobe's Ally Gifts

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

Grandma's caf

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

High speed cinder block

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"Tarzan no want computer."

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"Nurse, hitting the top and yelling 'work, you piece of crap!' doesn't even help with computers. It helps even less with patients."

Pensioners and Phones

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

'...one kilobyte of idiot.'

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"Can you give me your Christmas list on a regular sheet of paper? I don't know how to open the word document you emailed me."

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

'The Comedy of Computer Errors.'

'Looks good on paper. Let's scan it in and see how it looks on the screen.'

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

"I think it's time my grandpa upgraded his keyboard."

"No cell phone, no e-mails... boy, I've never felt so free1"

Grandpa Billy never did understand how you can listen to music using ear spuds.

"Technology moving too fast."

'I don't have e-mail or fax, not even a computer...if you haven't already guessed, I'm still living in the typewriter age.'

'We've papered over the new flat screen TV to make it less obtrusive'

"I'm old! I thought it was the television!"

'Forgive me father, for I've been faking computer literacy.'

"You're a great plummer, but those skills won't help you with fixing you computer. So put the plunger away and call a professional."

'He'll never switch to digital because he doesn't believe in pixels.'

"You'll have to call me on my landline. I'm a low-tech person through and through."

'Oh no... not here too!'