Email Avoider Gifts

Email Notifications

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'I'll try blaming it on auto correct and if that doesn't work, I'll blame you.'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

The Eternal Question

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Dream Advertisements.

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

"Nope. I came here to relax and not check my messages."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Hiding From Social Media

"Back to face-to-face working, lad? I think not! Be off home with you!"

'Time to rake up the leaflets.'

'I hate networking.'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'Most of your repressed memories involve not paying my fees.'

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

"Final demand! Does that mean they'll stop pestering us?"