Email Avoider Pillows

Email Notifications

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

'I'll try blaming it on auto correct and if that doesn't work, I'll blame you.'

"These targeted ads are getting out of hand."

The Eternal Question

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

Dream Advertisements.

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Time to rake up the leaflets.'

Hiding From Social Media

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"Back to face-to-face working, lad? I think not! Be off home with you!"

'I hate networking.'

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'Most of your repressed memories involve not paying my fees.'

'Open up Clayton, you knew it was inevitable.'

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

"Final demand! Does that mean they'll stop pestering us?"

Island Rent Due.

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."