Email Enforcer Pillows

'I told you not to open that attachment..'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

Email Notifications

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

If you can read this, you're standing too close.

"I hit reply all too many times."

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

While you were out...

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"I only wish emails could deliver papercuts."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

'Let me guess. Your boss sent you a nasty e-mail, and you're composing your reply.'

"I thought that assignment from my school was spam."

Amateur Spam.

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

'No, now I'm just fighting inbox inequality."

"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

"Can't talk now - ping me, yeah?"