Email Enforcer Pillows

'I told you not to open that attachment..'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Don't worry about missing the meeting, Henshaw. We assigned all the actions to you."

"The corner ledge is reserved for senior management."

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

'The worst thing is not having access to your e-mail.'

Email Notifications

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

"I hit reply all too many times."

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

While you were out...

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"Hi...I was just phoning to see if you got my e-mail?"

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

'We're keeping Edwards because he forwards the funnier e-mails.'

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

"I only wish emails could deliver papercuts."

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

"I thought that assignment from my school was spam."

'No, now I'm just fighting inbox inequality."

"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

Amateur Spam.

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

"Are you sending your people over here to smoke in my doorway?"