Email Eliminator Pillows

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

'I'll try blaming it on auto correct and if that doesn't work, I'll blame you.'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Email Notifications

"In my trashcan again, eh?"

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

The Eternal Question

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

"Any yet he's always on my case."

'At last, dusk...and my e-mails!'

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Net Zero Superstitions

"I thought that assignment from my school was spam."

'This list of excuses, for not having your homework, looks surprisingly like a list of reasons for not being successful when you get a job.'

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

'No dear, there's no post - only junk mail.'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

Pandora's Inbox

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

'This looks like a good spot to catch up on our email.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

"In my experience, there's nothing good at the end of a trail like this."

"So that's where the trash goes!"

'Can I check my emails first?'

The Environmental Protection Agency cranks it up a notch.

"Zero emissions - I'm in EPA heaven."

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

'Can't you take out the trash, Mom? ? I'm busy deleting junk e-mail.'

'All from your mother.'

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

Santa deleting his e-mails.