Evidence Eliminator Pillows

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

Documentation Please

Net Zero Superstitions

"We're looking for someone just like you but with testicles."

'As it turned out, circumstantial evidence was all they needed.'

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

'This list of excuses, for not having your homework, looks surprisingly like a list of reasons for not being successful when you get a job.'

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

Noise machines for dogs.

"The minister has instructed us to get rid of 43% of meaningless targets in the next 43 days." "Could we start with that one?"

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

The Environmental Protection Agency cranks it up a notch.

"Zero emissions - I'm in EPA heaven."

Woman approaches a clock with a tick and flea killer.

"We're reducing GHG emissions on the rance by switching to ll electric cows."

"Well, was the claim evidence-based?"

'Can't you take out the trash, Mom? ? I'm busy deleting junk e-mail.'

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

'Way to screw up again, pencil. Well here I come to save the day.'

'I've been feeling very extincky lately.'

Ninja Fly Swatter

Shooting Leaves

'How did you know I have a foot fetish?'

I suppose I should lose weight. It's simple, mom. Diet and exercise. This just in. Here. This lists the calories different activities use up in an hour. "Making excuses for why I'm not exercising" is not a listed activity.

5 morning's worth of cliche greetings eliminated in 6 seconds flat.