Expletive Eliminator Pillows

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Flies up the ante!

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

Drone Spray

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

"These door hinges squeak."

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

Superintendent

'How long did you try before calling?'

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."

'I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!'

"Shhh! Pretend we're not home."

"Okay, okay - next time I'll spring the trap and you grab the cheese."