Expletive Eliminator Pillows

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

When cockroaches go unchecked.

I think I know where the noises in your wall are coming from. Pest control.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

Flies up the ante!

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

What did you think happens to all those vitamins that roll beneath the fridge?

Drone Spray

Superintendent

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

Pied Piper uses 'Rat Nav'.

"This wasn’t a mouse, ma’am — it was a cartoonist."

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

'Okey, suit yourself but I saw the library book move.'

"These door hinges squeak."

"Down there, by the coffee room...you've got a bad case of summer intern infestation."

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

'How long did you try before calling?'

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

'I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!'

"Shhh! Pretend we're not home."