Phone Avoider Gifts

Right now, he's in his man cave.'

If that's for me, I'm not here. And even if it's not for me, I still wish I weren't here. Ring.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

"Tarzan no want computer."

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Fred gives up his MP3 Player in favor of conch shells.

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'Oh, Goody, football - we'll be able to talk without feeling we're missing something.'

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

A caveman sleeps with a club labelled 'Snooze' whilst a beaten looking rooster stands by.

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

Hiding From Social Media

Not in the mood for human interaction line

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"I only wish this was the final notice."

"Well, it might interest you to know that 'running naked' means running without a watch or iphone."

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'At the sound of the tone, please leave a message.. unless you're trying to sell me something.'

"How many times do I have to tell, you, don't call me at work!"

"Don't pretend it's a pet, you're just too mean to buy an alarm clock!"

Ring. If that me calling, I'm obviously not here.

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Please stop trying to engage me in conversation, Lars. Can't you tell when a wolverine is engrossed in a book? Sure, that's easy. They move their snouts when they read.

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."