Conversation Avoider Gifts

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'This is the last time that I go to a party for Economists.'

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'How do I remain his best friend? We never discuss politics or religion.'

"Since I hate small talk and I hate big talk, I guess I won't be talking."

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

Nervous at a party.

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

"Instead of texting me, you want me to open my mouth and articulate thoughts? Phew, this better be good!"

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

"So, when are you gonna find a woman?"

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

An agony of aunts

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

'I hate networking.'

Not in the mood for human interaction line

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

'I'm getting a jump on my regrets so I don't have to bother with them when I'm old.'

'Thurlow, the difference between you and me is that I was smart enough not to take my own advice.'