Automated Call Avoider Gifts

'Adjust your listening device, as our menu has changed...'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Email Notifications

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I could text you...I can fax you...I can email you...I could ring you...Lunch?...I can't make it.'

Even though I'm on the do-not-call-list telemarketers manage to ruin my hibernation again.

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

A caveman sleeps with a club labelled 'Snooze' whilst a beaten looking rooster stands by.

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

Hiding From Social Media

"That was there to give idlers reason to not stop and chat."

'Never fails,,, The second we sit down for dinner,'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

Not in the mood for human interaction line

It's new from British Telecom, a telephone ignoring machine.

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"I only wish this was the final notice."

Introducing the 1040 - F.I.* Form (*The tax return for the financially incompetent.)

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'At the sound of the tone, please leave a message.. unless you're trying to sell me something.'

'Most of your repressed memories involve not paying my fees.'

"Don't pretend it's a pet, you're just too mean to buy an alarm clock!"

"Oh, no! People are coming to sit near us! Put up the banner!"

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

"No, I'm not interested in a free ski weekend. Please take me off your call list."