Automated Call Survivor Gifts

'It's that automated heavy breathing again.'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"....To hear those options again, press the pound sign, or click your heels three times to return to the main menu."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

On hold, Rick listens to "As Time Goes By" over and over again.

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

March of the Zoombies.

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

Ten Months Later

Evolution of Zoom

"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'

'This call may be monitored for training purposes, and you'll understand why when the tech can't answer your questions.'

"Due to unusually high wish volume, you may experience a greater hold time than usual. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause."