Video Call Survivor Gifts

Ten Months Later

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

"Zoomed for five hours and my smile seized up."

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Off to work, Hon. See you tonight."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

It is nice to connect with family from other planets

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"Wow, Greg's background makes it look like he's in space!"

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"And from now on these staff meetings will be conducted online. You people are a breeding ground for germs."

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"Ok, everybody set for that Zoom call?"

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

MLB 2020

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

Working from home.

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

March of the Zoombies.

I wish I could experience a normal, social interaction...

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Guess what pants I'm wearing on this Zoom call.

"I'm afraid you have Zoom fatigue."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

Breakout Room