Phone Call Survivor Gifts

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"If you want to know what you cand do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

"I've been on hold through two cell phone bars."

"Press 3 and hear something that will really get up your nose"

'We wanted to introduce our system for blocking unwanted phone calls. . .'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh . . . please enter your 23 digit telephone banking code followed by your 14 digit account no and your 24 digit security code. . ."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

I'm comfort breaking my ass off here!

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

Ten Months Later

Evolution of Zoom

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

'This call may be monitored for training purposes, and you'll understand why when the tech can't answer your questions.'

"Zoomed for five hours and my smile seized up."