Cell Phone Survivor Gifts

'Damn! Another dropped call!'

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"....To hear those options again, press the pound sign, or click your heels three times to return to the main menu."

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

'Your last tech job offered generous options? So do we: Take it or leave it.'

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

STRIP Hambone: Living in the box the computer who replaced him came in

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

"One morning I looked up from my phone and saw a very bright light surrounded by blue with white fluffy stuff floating around..."

Ten Months Later

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."

"Woopsee! Wrong button. And after you got through all those menus, too! Too bad. Good luck next time! hahaha!"

"This is a support group for phone victims. Frank butt dialed. Bib drunk dialed, Anne there talked bad about someone, but didn't realize she hadn't hung up..."