Phone Call Survivor Pillows

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

Please hold while precious moments of your life tick away

"If you want to know what you cand do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."

"I've been on hold through two cell phone bars."

"Press 3 and hear something that will really get up your nose"

'We wanted to introduce our system for blocking unwanted phone calls. . .'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh . . . please enter your 23 digit telephone banking code followed by your 14 digit account no and your 24 digit security code. . ."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"I'm sorry – you have the wrong language."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

I'm comfort breaking my ass off here!

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land