Video Call Survivor Pillows

Ten Months Later

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

"Zoomed for five hours and my smile seized up."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

"Off to work, Hon. See you tonight."

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

It is nice to connect with family from other planets

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Wow, Greg's background makes it look like he's in space!"

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

"Ok, everybody set for that Zoom call?"

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

Working from home.

MLB 2020

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"I'm afraid you have Zoom fatigue."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

I wish I could experience a normal, social interaction...

Breakout Room

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

March of the Zoombies.

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"I'm using a fake background, no one knows I'm the litter box."