Zoom Call Survivor Pillows

Evolution of Zoom

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

Working from Home

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'A telemarketing call for you, Sir.'

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

"I don't know about you guys, but I sure miss the dog park."

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

"Working" from home

Welcome Back Everybody!

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

And have you been coping with lockdown?

March of the Zoombies.

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"Your ten o'clock cancelled. He doesn't like the way his skin gets all wrinkly."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

"If you are angry at being kept on hold, press 1, if you are furious press 2, if you are apoplectic with rage ..."

I'm comfort breaking my ass off here!

Ten Months Later