Teleconference Survivor Pillows

I'm comfort breaking my ass off here!

"Dad's got a promotion. How can now mute middle management."

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

Thank you for not making faces during teleconferences with the boss.

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"Hey Dolly, get back here!"

"I meant to let Mr. Goldman know I’d be happy to work on Saturday, but I accidentally typed, ‘I hope your house is infested by termites.’"

Telework Pants

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'Whose idea was it to teleconference our staff meetings?'

"Working" from home

"Could you continue to work from home? We're enjoying not having you in the office."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

'Not another powerpoint sermon!'

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

'Hurry up, coach. Pick one.. you're late for the press conference.'

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

"Your meeting's over. You can relax you zoom face now."

Education Payroll: 'We're trying to resolve your salary problem or, at the very east, put you on hold for th rest of the day.'

"Your ten o'clock cancelled. He doesn't like the way his skin gets all wrinkly."

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

Ten Months Later

Evolution of Zoom

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh . . . please enter your 23 digit telephone banking code followed by your 14 digit account no and your 24 digit security code. . ."

"Zoomed for five hours and my smile seized up."

Team member in face masks cannot be heard by older boss in meeting.

Zoom Call Nightmares

'Excuse me, would you like some tips on video marketing?'

'Yes I'll hold - but only to Greensleeves.'

"Everything I say goes straight to voice mail."