Video Calling Survivors Gifts

March of the Zoombies.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

Unsuccessful board meeting.

"The days of 'herding cats' are over: my friends and I meet through video-conferencing now..."

Meeting not going well?"

I don't need lobster and music and wine....

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"But rather than me just sitting here talking, why don't we watch this video of me sitting here talking?"

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'