Automated Message Survivor Gifts

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

Essay Paper.

When boomerangs argue.

"....To hear those options again, press the pound sign, or click your heels three times to return to the main menu."

Surveillance over the suggestion box.

"The long prayer peek."

Bored Meeting

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

"Is this the queue for Funworld?"

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

On hold, Rick listens to "As Time Goes By" over and over again.

"They say registering online should take ten minutes to two days, depending on my computer skills."

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

"They say you should beware of attachments."

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

"Here, I'll call the credit department for you...you might wanna push 'seven' on here."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"Your appointment with the doctor is at eleven-fifteen, but his appointment with you is at twelve-fifteen."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

"I can honestly say I feel really refreshed after that presentation. I slept all the way through it!"

Spam on Mousetrap

Message in a Bottle: Have a Nice Day

"If you'd like to hear the options again, curse in any language."

Email Forwards - Self Treatment for Hemorrhoids.