Automated Message Analyst Gifts

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"I meant the dog!"

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

"Towards a sustainable future"

'The first commandment is: Thou shalt not shoot the messenger.'

"We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontational verbal interfacing."

'I'll be right with you. I need to check my messages.'

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"So, we're texting lesbian erotica to each other for months, and then I find out 'she' is a Republican congressman from Ohio."

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

"I just feel like it's important NOT to make good eye contact when communicating."

"Was that a mixed signal?"

"I'm boycotting Twitter. I'm just reading it. I'm not posting anything on it."

'When I texted you all regarding the manner in which he died, I was disappointed by how many of you responded with 'lol'.'

"I've concluded a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...."

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

Rejected resumes.

Labour pledge u-turn