Automated Message Analyst Gifts

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"I meant the dog!"

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

"Towards a sustainable future"

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

'The first commandment is: Thou shalt not shoot the messenger.'

"We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontational verbal interfacing."

'I'll be right with you. I need to check my messages.'

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"So, we're texting lesbian erotica to each other for months, and then I find out 'she' is a Republican congressman from Ohio."

"I just feel like it's important NOT to make good eye contact when communicating."

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

'Those dang telemarketers have a knack for knowing exactly when we're sitting down for dinner don't they?'

Sorry about the hug. I thought your sign meant, "I love you, too."

"I've concluded a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...."

"Was that a mixed signal?"

'When I texted you all regarding the manner in which he died, I was disappointed by how many of you responded with 'lol'.'

"I'm boycotting Twitter. I'm just reading it. I'm not posting anything on it."

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

'For acall centre in Bangalore press 1 - for one in Hyderbad press......'

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

Rejected resumes.

"Yeah, it's amazing technology and all. . .But now that everybody has one, nobody communicates directly with each other any more."

"I said an ark, Noah - build an ARK in the desert!"