Media Analyzer Gifts

"It was so sudden. You were lucky to find a sponsor."

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Newspaper suicide.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"I'll never forget you."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'