Social Media Analyzer Gifts

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Skeptic Tank.

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

The Secret Sauce of American Exceptionalism

The four housemen of procrastination

'He's a man of few works. He likes to talk, he just has a limited vocabulary.'

Cyber Dream

Books vs mobile phones

"Ok, so I just texted everybody my commencement speech."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

Who Are You Going to Believe, Us Or Your Lying Eyes and Ears?

Debate. First they waffled and then they gave syrupy answers.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Are these 'raw' facts or 'spun' facts?"

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

Lights Action Camera Justice

The Court of Public Opinion

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

The Daily Fury

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

No Unknown Unknowns

'Welcome to 'All Sides of the Issues.' Here's our panel of commentators -- a communist, a socialist, a liberal, and a progressive....'

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."