Text Message Analyst Gifts

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

'Doesn't txt msg make it 38 languages and not 37?'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"I meant the dog!"

Boss and worker communicating in exclaimation marks.

OMG.

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'He's not a 'bad' phone. He's just not a 'smart' phone.'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

The psychiatrist.

You didn't text me that you met a guy! I couldn�t. There was no cell phone coverage. How awful. Diner. I'll say. What good is love � If you can't brag about it? Wow. Is that Shakespeare?

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

It's good news when an agent says "This is a big break" to an aspiring actor. But not good when said by an orthopedic surgeon holding your x-ray! It's jarring when your business partner says "We're going under while he's looking at the books. But it's very routine when said by a submarine captain speaking to the crew. "You're on fire" is nice to hear when you're playing an excellent round of golf. But not what you want to hear when you're grilling burgers. "A thumb on the scale" often mean

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Can we go back to texting each other throughout the day rather than a whole dinner conversation?'

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"May I air-quote you?"

'No, officer, I wasn't driving erratically while talking on the cell phone. I was text messaging.'

"We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontational verbal interfacing."

Silent Monk Holding Placard Saying LOL.

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

'I just got a hex message from Zelda.'