Ingredient Skeptic Gifts

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Honest Vending

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"Please don't kill me."

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Diet considerations.'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

'Too much Omega 3.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Lite Beer.

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

Secret Family Recipes

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."