Humorist With A Sporty Twist Gifts

'Team spirit, my ass.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

Footballer kicking his own brain.

"With one wrong turn, Sparky's big adventure became a nightmare."

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"