Anti-sports Humorist Gifts

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

Alternative fielding positions

The Golfing Accident

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

Trojan Hurdler.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'