Sporting Satirist Gifts

'Careful with that shotgun, it could go off.' - 'Don't worry, I'm covering the trigger with my finger.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

Rejected Olympic Sports

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

The Golfing Accident

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

The Hockey World

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

The Leafs win the Cup!

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'You're not supposed to jump over the net.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Racketeer

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

Loser's Podium.

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'