Traditional Sports Satirist Gifts

Bull Visiting Matador

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

The Golfing Accident

Alternative fielding positions

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Racketeer

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'