Sports Satire Gifts

'Steroids are for weenies. Back in my day, they played baseball like real men. . . drunk and bloated.'

'Let's talk steroids.'

' and we'll give you a bonus everytime you score!'

'Coming up. . . drug test results. . . criminal charges. . . and, of course, scores. . .'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Let's go over our secret play.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

The Leafs win the Cup!

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

The Hockey World

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

Racketeer