Satirical Sports Critic Gifts

In a cost cutting move, NFL teams begin outsourcing jobs once held by domestic offensive coordinators.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Alternative fielding positions

The Golfing Accident

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'