Satirical Sports Critic Gifts

In a cost cutting move, NFL teams begin outsourcing jobs once held by domestic offensive coordinators.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

Alternative fielding positions

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

The Leafs win the Cup!

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

The Hockey World

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'