Anti-sports Humorist Pillows

'You're in luck, Sir. . . we found the only television in the shop that won't show sports!'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

Punt Cake

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Pete Sampras

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Alternative fielding positions

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

Trojan Hurdler.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Getting the hang of it?"

Sloth 10K.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

The Hockey World

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

The Leafs win the Cup!