Humorist Of Sports Gifts

As England's injury problems worsen, Roy Hodgson resorts to Englebert Humperdinck

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

The Golfing Accident

Alternative fielding positions

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

Trojan Hurdler.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'